Is what they say true? That your Camino actually starts at the completion of your Camino? Well, for me it feels like it’s continuing to live on and expand in extraordinary ways. This week is exactly 6 months since we completed our Camino trek through Spain and it feels like the perfect time for a little share on the latest:
For those of you who have known me over time, you’re probably aware that I’m a relatively passionate human being. As a matter of fact, when I’m excited about something or involved in something I love, I can get pretty crazy excited about it. I’ve even been called a pain in the ass more than once in my life, because when I’m passionate, there’s no telling…
I know, hard to believe right?!!!
Here are a few examples of what I can get a little crazy about…
I’m passionate about my husband & my marriage, my work & helping others come to thrive in their healthiest, whole and most passionate lives, nature, hiking & backpacking, my family & friends, spirituality & personal growth, stories of guts, courage & resilience and adventures & travel to name a few. But another favorite passion of mine is being a “Homemaker.” I love everything about homemaking. Cooking, cleaning and organizing, creating spaces inside our home and in the yard. Flat out, I’m a great and happy grunt. I love to get in and get dirty, tear things apart, put them back together in interesting new ways and watch things come to life and sparkle.
Okay, kind of the long way around telling you about my latest passionate adventure of Wild Yeast Bread making. Inspired by my awesome friend Dani States. So far, it’s been about a 6-week journey. The Starter, which is the heart of Wild Bread, is a live organism. It’s seriously, almost like having a pet. Yep, it’s even recommended that you name your Starter. Meet Bella!
These are the first official loaves from my Starter. They’re looking pretty good and actually taste delicious. I was a bit surprised considering my Starter was looking pretty wimpy before baking on Sunday and in the raising phase, my bread didn’t rise well. Not surprising however, in the process of developing Bella, a lot is being revealed about my personality. She is a mirror of sorts of my habits and behaviors and how I do life. My Sourdough Starter isn’t very robust and actually showing signs of lethargy. It’s pretty much a mirror of my life these days as I’m growing way beyond my comfort zone. Expanding my business, creating the next chapter with Jim without the security and structure we’ve known for the past 20 years, as we consider selling our home and creating what we’ve coined the Love Farm, just to name a few of the things, pressing us to that next level of growth.
Honestly all this change and growth feels like the worst “Wool” itch. So, Dani said, to me today, “you want her to be perfect. You want her to work out.” Yep, I do. It’s amazing how such a simple comment caused such an important reflection. It’s where I’m comfortable. It’s how I’ve done things in the past. I’ve been dogged about living in my safe zone. At some level it’s a survival skill for me. It’s how I’m comfortable showing up in life because the truth is I’m afraid of looking bad, failure and appearing weak. I’m afraid of that big, nasty “R” word. I’m seriously afraid of rejection.
Wanting things to work out and look good isn’t necessarily a bad thing but my discomfort with messiness and vulnerability has had me sacrifice really playing full-out in areas that matter to me. In ways that keep me from really making a difference for people in the way my heart cares to make a difference.
So, as I patiently and intuitively nurture Bella, I get to tip-toe my way in to the deeper waters of allowing myself to be seen. Sharing my passions, fears, failures and the happiest expressions of my life feels like the perfect way- for now.